[Frankly, Chuuya was similarly starting to have concerns about Dazai for... multiple reasons, some of them being recent conversations and even more recent actions. The timing of this disappearing act?
Suspicious, to say the least.]
Just call me Chuuya, Kotone-chan. I'm not one for formality.
And no, I haven't. Which is not great, because if that bastard isn't being annoying and attention seeking, he's usually in a mood.
[And Dazai in a mood tended to result in him making very stupid choices, sometimes near-fatal.]
Best guess is he's hiding out somewhere people won't find him, in which case the forest is most likely. I plan to go looking for him.
(home. ... home? is that what this room is, really? it is what it is, whatever name he wants to call it. it's somewhere he knows it's safe, even if it's complicated to be in. must be like home, right?
his back touches the wall next to the door, sliding almost too dramatically. there's still tipsiness in him, and when his butt touches the floor, he leaves an oof.)
[And Chuuya has carried Dazai at least part of the way back, so they're both more than a little tired. Still, that won't stop Chuuya from leveling Dazai with a look at the dramatics.]
Nope. Not on the floor. And you're scrubbing down least, those cuts could get infected.
[He's quite glad it's not an emergency, at least.]
Eh? Nah, I like cooking.
[Chuuya she didn't ask that?]
Proper meals weren't a guarantee where I grew up, so when I finally got my own place with an actual stove, I got pretty into learning the ins and outs. It's pretty enjoyable these days, when I have time.
Though feeding Dazai is a thankless job, for sure.
(if this place felt like a warzone before their latest endeavors, it feels even more so now. dangerous, alluring, and it's chipping away at his sanity already. he's not as good with self-control as chuuya could possibly be, especially with how he felt having his hands on his skin. how he sounded, how he looked, how he tasted. his lips reach for the skin of the back of chuuya's neck, a wake up request as he presses his body against chuuya's. it's a nice reminder, and dazai is having trouble leaving it at that today.)
Morning.
(usual, unfortunately, to find his hand reaching for the other's hip, feeling up his thighs. god, he's starting to loathe the way chuuya's making him feel, even more, and he didn't even expect that to be a possibility at this point.
hates that he feels parched. like a piece of himself stayed with chuuya since, and he's dying to get it back.)
(he doesn't even want to talk. he's drained, he's numb, it's not good for him he's gotten like that. it sucks the mental health from him, so all chuuya will hear is that there's certainly noise coming from his charm, but no voice. he just wants to hear chuuya's voice, but he won't ever say it.)
[Chuuya doesn't even have to ask to know who it is: It's a relief, if anything, to have his charm alert him to an attempt to contact. He'd seen to Kotone, but after that, well....]
Hey mackerel.
[It's soft, questioning. A bit of relief, that Dazai alone could probably parse from his tone.]
would it break our silent contract of non-mushiness if i told you you look wonderful with those marks! maybe when they leave, we can draw them in with sharpies! it's making looking at your face very bearable!
(he's in so much pain. days pass, days come, and he's still in so much pain. this is exactly why he can't do things that will have too many lasting consequences - he always survives. quick fix is to snort the medicine, and he does it, head back once it's in, and he already feels a little more relaxed, but of course, chuuya would know that if he were awake. dazai has been feeling all the worrying, the restlessness of a man who feels too much.
on his side, frustration, he can't even hold his own knees. most of the time, he's been asleep, it's better for pain management that way, but right now - he doesn't want to be. stubbornness. instead, he looks at the men quietly sleeping next to him. a gentle hand, careful, delicate, caresses the pale skin of his cheek, and it kills him so much to bend, but he wants to.
a gentle kiss, quick, as he pulls himself together back to his sitting position.)
You're so MEAN!!!! You've been insufferable, and now I can't get you out of my mind. You horrible, horrible, terrible, disgusting, irritating, awful, pesky Slug!!!
(a morning, after all that chaos, he's rather tired, but it's another morning he wakes shirtless, with a body wrapped around him. lately, the way he tells chuuya he loves him have been subtle, but they scream to both of them. chuuya had told him in his own way, after all, and now, dazai should do so, too. can't let chuuya win the affection war.
so, once dazai opens his eyes, his lips reach for the top of the man's head, a gentle kiss as he squeezes the body so comfortably resting on top of his own, thumbs caressing skin.)
[Apparently, that is a no on Chuuya's part. He's usually one who's early to rise, the annoying person who is up before dawn to exercise and back by sun-up to clean up, but maybe Chuuya's started to indulge a bit too much lately: the warmth, the feel of Dazai's skin against his, his heartbeat beneath his ear, the slow rise and fall of breath. Some (many) mornings he just doesn't want to leave it.
So instead, he's burying his face in the crook of Dazai's neck, hiding his eyes away. His hair is a riot of curls like it always is in the morning, probably too ticklish by far, but he doesn't care. Deal with it.]
(who cares if chuuya sees a little blood. a little knife that dries in their tub. nothing he's ever seen before. perhaps it's a tantrum, one that has been bottled up in him for a few weeks now - but he's scared, and god only knows how to express that pathetic feeling otherwise. by the sea, dazai's lips drag on a stolen cigarette, watching the sunset with tired eyes. his thigh hurts, so that's where most of his thoughts go to right now.)
[And Chuuya... well, at the sight of the blood, and the realization Dazai is not in the house, Dazai is going to get a very particular burst of emotions through that empathetic link: Icy worry, fear, resignation, anger. He'd known it would be coming eventually, had seen the signs and tried to prod Dazai into venting in his own ways (booze, picking a fight, sex. But never a direct confrontation of feelings neither of them could handle, because Chuuya was a coward in his own ways).
But not being able to find a trace of Dazai around, aside from blood and a knife? It does things to Chuuya he would vehemently deny if anyone pointed it out. Often the man would slink off not too far, blood-loss was a bitch, but Chuuya can't find him this time.
the whole seeing things in the fog does kind of ruin that, true enough. Suppose you could make it an indoor date, but we both know Dazai is too much of a hornball to keep it tame.
[Because of course, who else would Fyodor want a date with?]
(the time they arrive at their home, there's nothing more that dazai does - he quietly removes his clothes, keeping himself in boxers, and slides into bed. the next days, there's no speaking from him, no eating. no drinking. he's in a limbo between slumber and awareness, and he knows he's awfully miserable. chuuya didn't sleep next to him. he daren't take the whole bed, even in his sleep, almost like he was trained.
around 5 days go by. he finally speaks, in nearly a whisper, too small to be heard, if the silence wasn't deafening.)
[And perhaps just as worrisome is that Chuuya is quiet. Chuuya, a man who has little volume control to begin with, seems to have lost his spark. It doesn't stop him from attending to routines: exercise, chores, helping around town. He cooks meals and leaves food for Dazai, as always. He visits Kotone. He aggressively tries to be normal, in his own pathetic attempts to convince himself he hasn't fucked up everything.
But at night, he's tucking himself in on the couch, too hesitant to join Dazai in bed, struggling to sleep without his presence. He doesn't feel like he's allowed, anymore. He can't give Dazai what he needs, not truly, and it weighs on him with the heaviness of shame and guilt.
Chuuya knows this can't last. He's just afraid to be the first one to speak. Because that would likely mean an ending, and while he knows neither of them are capable of truly cutting the other out, he's pretty sure things will change irrevocably.
But what he's not expecting is for the silence to finally be ended by those two, very specific words.
It takes him a minute to find his voice, and if it cracks on the single word he gets out, then so be it.]
...Why?
[Why is Dazai sorry? Shouldn't that be Chuuya's line?]
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The phrasing is definitely annoying enough, like he's a misbehaving animal. Ugh.]
I'll abide by the terms Dazai set. The top priority is getting us home, after all.
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Sure, I'm up for that.
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[Note to self: strangle Dazai later.]
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Actually, he called you hot yesterday and said a whole bunch of shit that sounded so smitten I nearly gagged. Was it along those lines?
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cw suicide mention
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text; maybe a day and a half after dazai disappears
I was just wondering if you've heard anything from Dazai-san? It's been weirdly quiet, so I just wanted to make sure he wasn't dead.
text
Suspicious, to say the least.]
Just call me Chuuya, Kotone-chan. I'm not one for formality.
And no, I haven't. Which is not great, because if that bastard isn't being annoying and attention seeking, he's usually in a mood.
[And Dazai in a mood tended to result in him making very stupid choices, sometimes near-fatal.]
Best guess is he's hiding out somewhere people won't find him, in which case the forest is most likely. I plan to go looking for him.
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his back touches the wall next to the door, sliding almost too dramatically. there's still tipsiness in him, and when his butt touches the floor, he leaves an oof.)
I'll nap now.
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Nope. Not on the floor. And you're scrubbing down least, those cuts could get infected.
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cw self-harm and stitching
Re: cw self-harm and stitching
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text;
[Not like last time she messaged him, at least.]
I just wanted to know if you actually like cooking, or do you only cook because Dazai-san is... you know.
Re: text;
[He's quite glad it's not an emergency, at least.]
Eh? Nah, I like cooking.
[Chuuya she didn't ask that?]
Proper meals weren't a guarantee where I grew up, so when I finally got my own place with an actual stove, I got pretty into learning the ins and outs. It's pretty enjoyable these days, when I have time.
Though feeding Dazai is a thankless job, for sure.
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Morning.
(usual, unfortunately, to find his hand reaching for the other's hip, feeling up his thighs. god, he's starting to loathe the way chuuya's making him feel, even more, and he didn't even expect that to be a possibility at this point.
hates that he feels parched. like a piece of himself stayed with chuuya since, and he's dying to get it back.)
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Hey mackerel.
[It's soft, questioning. A bit of relief, that Dazai alone could probably parse from his tone.]
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[Which have been getting slowly darker and spreading further since they first appeared. Mildly concerning, but hey.]
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want to touch! come home! sudden burst of energy! chuuya! come home! chuuya?
home! touch, touch, touch.
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Chuuya, can you help me learn how to fight better?
dont mind me still future dating shit also CW DRUGS
on his side, frustration, he can't even hold his own knees. most of the time, he's been asleep, it's better for pain management that way, but right now - he doesn't want to be. stubbornness. instead, he looks at the men quietly sleeping next to him. a gentle hand, careful, delicate, caresses the pale skin of his cheek, and it kills him so much to bend, but he wants to.
a gentle kiss, quick, as he pulls himself together back to his sitting position.)
after dazai's return
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[He's been in the bar a lot of nights, lately.
...And very blackout drunk for most of them.]
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drunkzai THANK YOU CHUUYA
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after 'damn bitch you live like this' giftbox arrived
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so, once dazai opens his eyes, his lips reach for the top of the man's head, a gentle kiss as he squeezes the body so comfortably resting on top of his own, thumbs caressing skin.)
Slug, isn't it time for us to wake up?
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[Apparently, that is a no on Chuuya's part. He's usually one who's early to rise, the annoying person who is up before dawn to exercise and back by sun-up to clean up, but maybe Chuuya's started to indulge a bit too much lately: the warmth, the feel of Dazai's skin against his, his heartbeat beneath his ear, the slow rise and fall of breath. Some (many) mornings he just doesn't want to leave it.
So instead, he's burying his face in the crook of Dazai's neck, hiding his eyes away. His hair is a riot of curls like it always is in the morning, probably too ticklish by far, but he doesn't care. Deal with it.]
Few more minutes.
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cw self harm & suicidal ideation
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But not being able to find a trace of Dazai around, aside from blood and a knife? It does things to Chuuya he would vehemently deny if anyone pointed it out. Often the man would slink off not too far, blood-loss was a bitch, but Chuuya can't find him this time.
Eventually, a message through the charms.]
Hey, asshole. Where are you?
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the whole seeing things in the fog does kind of ruin that, true enough. Suppose you could make it an indoor date, but we both know Dazai is too much of a hornball to keep it tame.
[Because of course, who else would Fyodor want a date with?]
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1/???
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5/?????
Done
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cw extreme depression
around 5 days go by. he finally speaks, in nearly a whisper, too small to be heard, if the silence wasn't deafening.)
... i'm sorry.
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But at night, he's tucking himself in on the couch, too hesitant to join Dazai in bed, struggling to sleep without his presence. He doesn't feel like he's allowed, anymore. He can't give Dazai what he needs, not truly, and it weighs on him with the heaviness of shame and guilt.
Chuuya knows this can't last. He's just afraid to be the first one to speak. Because that would likely mean an ending, and while he knows neither of them are capable of truly cutting the other out, he's pretty sure things will change irrevocably.
But what he's not expecting is for the silence to finally be ended by those two, very specific words.
It takes him a minute to find his voice, and if it cracks on the single word he gets out, then so be it.]
...Why?
[Why is Dazai sorry? Shouldn't that be Chuuya's line?]
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