You know part of the reason. Isn't it awful, to be left like that?
(come. on. chuuya, please, help him out. his words are poison, trying to seep under his skin, but his eyes ask, even if beneath the mask of uncaring, unsensing, unfeeling.
or perhaps it's not a mask at all, and the feeling is genuine.)
It was fucking awful, yeah. Did you know everyone looked at me with suspicion afterwards? People thinking 'How did he not know Dazai was leaving? Did he help him escape?'. It was only when that bomb went off and after a long chat with Mori that people stopped talking.
[Now that he knows why, he understands what Mori was doing: probing for how much Chuuya might have known about Dazai, what had happened, his potential whereabouts. Examining Chuuya's feelings on it all, to see where the remaining half of double black stood on Dazai's defection.
He'd been rewarded for his loyalty with a significant chunk of Dazai's abandoned workload, and the boss' endless lamenting about Dazai's empty seat in spite of Chuuya's dogged loyalty.]
I'm not letting you run away this time, not here in this world where you're in reach. And I refuse to be another knife you use on yourself when things get overwhelming.
Did Mori tell you he shoved me out? Left me no choice? Isn't that great, betrayal from all sides!
(snippets of information. everything in the mafia is so compact, so hidden, and there are things he's sure chuuya doesn't know, even with being so high up in the ranks. mori is a piece of shit.
his other hand pinches the bridge of his nose, a sigh, dramatic, loud, but genuine.)
Now you're bullshitting me. Boss has left your seat open for four years! He still wants you back! It's damn annoying, is what it is!
[He wanted Dazai, regardless of how good anyone else is at the job.]
Yeah, well you've been a pain in my ass since I was 15. I'm pretty sure I'm entitled to some form of compensation for that, so you're stuck with me right now.
He does not. It's for show. That way, you all won't think it is his fault that I left. He is full of shit, Chuuya, and it is delusional that you can't see that.
(exactly the icon matches his expression, and for the last words, his eyes just roll. chuuya, you're stupid...)
And someone who had his secrets in my hand, a birthright to slit his throat, and could kill or create an uprising against him. Besides, is it truly that advantageous to Mori to have his moneymaker that close to someone whose morals tell him not to kill?
No, explain. Yeah Mori killed the old boss, but I'm pretty sure most of the executives already know that. What do you mean you have a birthright to slit his throat?
Do I need to draw? You already explained it yourself right now. He killed the boss. He is the boss. I have the right to become the boss. And the answer is...?
[It takes Chuuya a moment, because they've already established Mori was training Dazai to take over someday. But 'birthright' meant something different entirely. Sure, Chuuya wasn't exactly well versed in blood family things, but..]
Think about that one time you sort of met him. Why on Earth would a mafia boss know a suicidal kid, call him brat, say I'm a nostalgic face, and why would I know he has back problems?
(has chuuya never really stopped to consider these things?)
[Nothing really follows that though. Chuuya hadn't really thought too deeply about why Mori, an underground doctor, had met Dazai. He knew it had to do with Dazai's suicidal tendencies, but hadn't really considered the why beyond the morbid truth that Mori had used a patient as an alibi.]
(whether that means his mother had been pretty at some time in the past, or that he doesn't know how she looks now, or if she died is all up in the air.)
[That single statement, offered so casually, seems to punch the wind out of Chuuya's sails pretty effectively.
He's not messing with him. Holy shit.
He's completely forgotten to keep grip on Dazai, but there are so many things that make a horrifying amount of sense now, and Chuuya is almost dizzy with it.] So all that talk about your blood being Mafia black wasn't just a turn of phrase. Fucking hell. That's why Hirotsu treats you like some sorta grandson too, isn't it?
[Another realization followed.] Did Mori think I knew?
Yep. And... No, because he knows I wouldn't have told you, and you wouldn't go digging. You're already too preoccupied with your own existence to care about the origins of mine, wouldn't you think? It's not something I would want known, anyway.
(he's telling chuuya right now simply because it hardly matters here. it doesn't, really - there's no mafia. he doesn't think it will make him turn against it once they return, should they return with any memories of this place.)
[Chuuya lets out a breath, taking a seat on the ground to absorb all of this. Because this changed a lot of things. It threw everything he knew about Dazai's defection on it's head.]
The second I got back from the mission I was on during the whole mimic fiasco, I got dragged into Mori's office. He asked a lot of questions, so much I was sweating bullets 'cause I couldn't answer any of 'em. [And angry. So very, very angry and betrayed that Dazai had just up and left.]
(which is the whole point of the whole thing. he loved oda. even if oda hadn't asked him to do something different with his life, he would be completely different in the mafia from his now promise. not usable for mori whatsoever.)
[Chuuya stares at the ground for a long moment, trying to absorb it all. He understood why Mori used Oda:
"A leader develops their subordinates and places them wherever they best fit and disposes of them if necessary."
"I will gladly perform the most heinous acts for the sake of this organization. That is what it means to be a leader.
I do it all for the organization and the protection of this beloved city."
He'd done it because that was what a great leader did. But... for Dazai, he'd taken the one person he'd ever loved so deeply. Dazai had pulled the mafia to new heights with his work, and the payment he'd been given was...]
Fuck.
[It's the only word he can offer, breathed out softly beneath his breath.]
(perhaps now he gets it. all in all, he is a traitor, he turned his back from day to night, disappeared, and now he works on the other side in a way that often can conflict with mafia business.
for a good reason, even if parts of that are still hidden from chuuya as they are. maybe one day, he'll feel comfortable enough to tell chuuya what it felt like to hold odasaku in his arms, to hear his last words, and make that promise to the man who took his last breath in his arms.
[Chuuya lets out a long, low breath, then inhales deeply once again. It's a lot to process. He has time here, at least.
Maybe that's why Dazai said all of that. Because they weren't in Yokohama, and there weren't any crises going on to deal with.
The tap on his back helps, admittedly. Dazai's touch always seems to settle him, even without his ability in use. Something about the association, maybe. He's not sure.]
I'm not gonna ask why you didn't tell me any of this shit, because I'm pretty sure half this shit is treason to even know. But I do want to know: Why now?
(why would he have? what would be the point to tell chuuya then and there? here, there's no treason to commit. there's nothing chuuya can do for it, and since he already is without the mafia, well.
it's not like dazai can take his home away from him by exposing it. much easier to be an ass and not say all of that, anyway.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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(come. on. chuuya, please, help him out. his words are poison, trying to seep under his skin, but his eyes ask, even if beneath the mask of uncaring, unsensing, unfeeling.
or perhaps it's not a mask at all, and the feeling is genuine.)
Then what is it you decide, Chuuya?
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[Now that he knows why, he understands what Mori was doing: probing for how much Chuuya might have known about Dazai, what had happened, his potential whereabouts. Examining Chuuya's feelings on it all, to see where the remaining half of double black stood on Dazai's defection.
He'd been rewarded for his loyalty with a significant chunk of Dazai's abandoned workload, and the boss' endless lamenting about Dazai's empty seat in spite of Chuuya's dogged loyalty.]
I'm not letting you run away this time, not here in this world where you're in reach. And I refuse to be another knife you use on yourself when things get overwhelming.
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(snippets of information. everything in the mafia is so compact, so hidden, and there are things he's sure chuuya doesn't know, even with being so high up in the ranks. mori is a piece of shit.
his other hand pinches the bridge of his nose, a sigh, dramatic, loud, but genuine.)
You're unbearable.
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[He wanted Dazai, regardless of how good anyone else is at the job.]
Yeah, well you've been a pain in my ass since I was 15. I'm pretty sure I'm entitled to some form of compensation for that, so you're stuck with me right now.
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(exactly the icon matches his expression, and for the last words, his eyes just roll. chuuya, you're stupid...)
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[Which takes Chuuya some doing to admit, but really Dazai.]
Everyone knew he was setting you up to take over someday!
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Are you're saying that shriveled old man was--
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(has chuuya never really stopped to consider these things?)
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Dazai looks nothing like the guy!!]
'Sort of' being the key word here!! I was busy fighting Rimbaud, damn it! And I always figured you met him before in the mafia!
cw suicide
CW: suicide
[Nothing really follows that though. Chuuya hadn't really thought too deeply about why Mori, an underground doctor, had met Dazai. He knew it had to do with Dazai's suicidal tendencies, but hadn't really considered the why beyond the morbid truth that Mori had used a patient as an alibi.]
You don't look a single thing like that guy.
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(whether that means his mother had been pretty at some time in the past, or that he doesn't know how she looks now, or if she died is all up in the air.)
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[That single statement, offered so casually, seems to punch the wind out of Chuuya's sails pretty effectively.
He's not messing with him. Holy shit.
He's completely forgotten to keep grip on Dazai, but there are so many things that make a horrifying amount of sense now, and Chuuya is almost dizzy with it.] So all that talk about your blood being Mafia black wasn't just a turn of phrase. Fucking hell. That's why Hirotsu treats you like some sorta grandson too, isn't it?
[Another realization followed.] Did Mori think I knew?
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(he's telling chuuya right now simply because it hardly matters here. it doesn't, really - there's no mafia. he doesn't think it will make him turn against it once they return, should they return with any memories of this place.)
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The second I got back from the mission I was on during the whole mimic fiasco, I got dragged into Mori's office. He asked a lot of questions, so much I was sweating bullets 'cause I couldn't answer any of 'em. [And angry. So very, very angry and betrayed that Dazai had just up and left.]
It was all pretense? He wanted you gone?
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(which is the whole point of the whole thing. he loved oda. even if oda hadn't asked him to do something different with his life, he would be completely different in the mafia from his now promise. not usable for mori whatsoever.)
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"A leader develops their subordinates and places them wherever they best fit and disposes of them if necessary."
"I will gladly perform the most heinous acts for the sake of this organization. That is what it means to be a leader.
I do it all for the organization and the protection of this beloved city."
He'd done it because that was what a great leader did. But... for Dazai, he'd taken the one person he'd ever loved so deeply. Dazai had pulled the mafia to new heights with his work, and the payment he'd been given was...]
Fuck.
[It's the only word he can offer, breathed out softly beneath his breath.]
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for a good reason, even if parts of that are still hidden from chuuya as they are. maybe one day, he'll feel comfortable enough to tell chuuya what it felt like to hold odasaku in his arms, to hear his last words, and make that promise to the man who took his last breath in his arms.
right now, he just taps chuuya's back.)
Welcome to the truth, Chuuya.
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Maybe that's why Dazai said all of that. Because they weren't in Yokohama, and there weren't any crises going on to deal with.
The tap on his back helps, admittedly. Dazai's touch always seems to settle him, even without his ability in use. Something about the association, maybe. He's not sure.]
I'm not gonna ask why you didn't tell me any of this shit, because I'm pretty sure half this shit is treason to even know. But I do want to know: Why now?
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(why would he have? what would be the point to tell chuuya then and there? here, there's no treason to commit. there's nothing chuuya can do for it, and since he already is without the mafia, well.
it's not like dazai can take his home away from him by exposing it. much easier to be an ass and not say all of that, anyway.)
Let's go drink.
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