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[darkdisgrace]

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[nullificates]

i think fyodor is trying to kill me

with words

[darkdisgrace]

Congratulations. I'll be sure to bring flowers to the funeral and/or wedding.

Actually, he called you hot yesterday and said a whole bunch of shit that sounded so smitten I nearly gagged. Was it along those lines?

[nullificates]

shut up godling

[darkdisgrace]

You shut up, you're the one who texted me.

[they're both so mature.]

Actually he said a lot of crazy shit to me yesterday, so I'm somehow relieved he tried to murder you as well.

cw suicide mention

[nullificates]

i think part of that is my bad. i'm sure he's going to keep asking you stuff.

sorry! not sorry!

ah. rest in peace for us! i guess it is a double suicide.

[darkdisgrace]

Exactly what did you say to him about me? Because he called me 'tender' and 'charming', and that was embarrassing as hell.

[Like, genuinely, mortifyingly so.]

And like hell am I dying with you!

[nullificates]

maybe you're perhaps acceptable in russia? or fyfy has terrible taste!

i only told him calling you 'godling' is not gonna get him in your good graces, and that you love being reminded how much taller than you i am.

(A STEP FORWARD TWO BACKWARDS.)

ill drug your coffee, chuuya!

[darkdisgrace]

He definitely has terrible taste, because he's into you!

And you're the reason he asked about my height?!?!

[Ugh!!!]

If you touch my coffee I will make you suffer tremendous pain and agony.

[Do not fuck with a mafioso's coffee.]

[nullificates]

i don't think he gets what that entails yet.

nono! i think thats a natural response to seeing a full grown adult who hasn't grown since he was a teen!

come drink coffee with me chuuya! heart, heart, heart, exclamation point.

[darkdisgrace]

Is that why you didn't take him up on his offer to fuck? He told me you turned him down.

[Yeah, he knows way too much about Dazai's sex life.]

I've grown since I was a teen, damn it! Just not as much as a beanpole like you.

And why would I drink coffee with you after you threatened to drug mine?

[nullificates]

woah look at you two gossiping to make up for your lost school years. why do you think i went about it this way?

oh, wow, i couldn't notice.

oh, because i stole your wallet and hid all the coffee. im your sole source. beep. boop. die.

1/2

[darkdisgrace]

He claimed he was trying to figure out why you turned him down. Actually, he said some seriously outrageous shit so he seemed pretty damn confused about that.

2/2

[darkdisgrace]

You bastard!!!

Where are you?! Give it back!

[nullificates]

i did it because he wants answers that are not mine to give him. he has to navigate it for himself for a while.

he has no book, so he's forced to think about things his brain wouldn't allow at home. give him so time.

[nullificates]

home, drinking coffee.

1/2

[darkdisgrace]

Wow, and here I thought you'd just dive in dick first like you always do.

[It said a lot about how Dazai felt here, for sure.]

[darkdisgrace]

I'm on my way, if you run I will find you and kill you.

Oh, and Fyodor thought we were fucking and said so in horrifyingly poetic ways, so please disillusion him to that.

[He hopes Dazai chokes on his coffee.]

[nullificates]

(ah, you want to kill dazai like that? can't. he already knows this. so instead, he very calmly takes a sip of his own coffee, contently.)

i tried when we were younger, but you grossed me out, irritated me, and generally just existed, so i shot at you.

(hopefully chuuya can be so disgusted he falls into a ditch and dies.)

[darkdisgrace]

[Ah, so he's trying to kill Chuuya instead!

Well, he certainly trips, but he's alive enough to fume, sorry Dazai.]

That was why you shot at me that time?! Ugh, gross!

[nullificates]

agreed!! cant believe my standards fell so low!!!!

CW: mention of (bad) underage sex

[darkdisgrace]

And they've dropped lower ever since.

I would have killed you back then if you tried. My standards have always been higher than that.

[That is such a pathetic lie: He lost his virginity when he was 16 and absolutely wasted.]

[nullificates]

yes, considering that now you use me as a body pillow, punches me in my sleep, and i get nothing for it. truly terrible standards. i deserve 21 percent better.

(get it. dazai is 21cm taller. get it.)

[darkdisgrace]

That's purely practical!!! Don't act like you don't enjoy it, asshole.

And I could easily cut off 21 percent, how about that?

[He knows exactly what Dazai is referring to.]

[nullificates]

why do you think i enjoy doing you a favor?

(BECAUSE HE WAKES UP QITH A REAL SMILE, PLEASE. DAZAI!!!!)

wow so that you can be with me? that's desperate chuuya

[darkdisgrace]

[About that, Dazai--]

You sure smile enough in the morning to give that impression.

[Calling him out!!]

Gee, it's almost like you're projecting. We both know I'm hotter anyway, height or no.