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[darkdisgrace]

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[darkdisgrace]

I'm on my way, if you run I will find you and kill you.

Oh, and Fyodor thought we were fucking and said so in horrifyingly poetic ways, so please disillusion him to that.

[He hopes Dazai chokes on his coffee.]

[nullificates]

(ah, you want to kill dazai like that? can't. he already knows this. so instead, he very calmly takes a sip of his own coffee, contently.)

i tried when we were younger, but you grossed me out, irritated me, and generally just existed, so i shot at you.

(hopefully chuuya can be so disgusted he falls into a ditch and dies.)

[darkdisgrace]

[Ah, so he's trying to kill Chuuya instead!

Well, he certainly trips, but he's alive enough to fume, sorry Dazai.]

That was why you shot at me that time?! Ugh, gross!

[nullificates]

agreed!! cant believe my standards fell so low!!!!

CW: mention of (bad) underage sex

[darkdisgrace]

And they've dropped lower ever since.

I would have killed you back then if you tried. My standards have always been higher than that.

[That is such a pathetic lie: He lost his virginity when he was 16 and absolutely wasted.]

[nullificates]

yes, considering that now you use me as a body pillow, punches me in my sleep, and i get nothing for it. truly terrible standards. i deserve 21 percent better.

(get it. dazai is 21cm taller. get it.)

[darkdisgrace]

That's purely practical!!! Don't act like you don't enjoy it, asshole.

And I could easily cut off 21 percent, how about that?

[He knows exactly what Dazai is referring to.]

[nullificates]

why do you think i enjoy doing you a favor?

(BECAUSE HE WAKES UP QITH A REAL SMILE, PLEASE. DAZAI!!!!)

wow so that you can be with me? that's desperate chuuya

[darkdisgrace]

[About that, Dazai--]

You sure smile enough in the morning to give that impression.

[Calling him out!!]

Gee, it's almost like you're projecting. We both know I'm hotter anyway, height or no.

[nullificates]

it's a normal human reaction to mimic the expressions they see.

(bitch.)

doesn't matter if you can't reach me does it now

what you gonna do? jump?

[darkdisgrace]

Sure it is. I suppose if you lie about that enough even you might believe it.

[He is absolutely gonna be that bitch.]

I could always break your kneecaps, that would make reaching you pretty easy. Or I could just drag you down.

cw drugs I GUESS WE'RE DOING THIS

[nullificates]

oh well since youre being awful

you get no coffee

even when im around

even drugged!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(someone is very hyper. guess why.)

[darkdisgrace]

[...Damn it. Good thing Chuuya is stomping up the stairs to their inn room right now?

Annnnd door getting slammed open in three, two--]

DAZAI!!!

[isn't it just delightful how Chuuya screams his name in such a dramatic way, ever single fucking time.]

[nullificates]

(ah!! look who's here!! it's chuuya!! chuuya's cute!! so tiny!! he throws his long arms in the air, a very large smile on his face.

can you see how his eyes are basically pupils?)

CHUUYA!!

(and he hugs, chuuya's arms trapped in it, and he twirls.)

Chuuya, you're so tiny. You're so cute! Did you know you're cute? You're so tiny, and tiny is very cute. Cute-ya.

[darkdisgrace]

[It says a lot about Chuuya and Dazai's relationship that Dazai doesn't even have to say a word for Chuuya to know he's high as a kite.

Really, his face said it all.

Still, the babbling and delighted yelling is a pretty decent indicator in that Dazai probably took some uppers, and the fucking hug cinched it.]

Gah...!!! Damn it, Dazai!!

[There's really no struggling here, not when Dazai has leverage and Chuuya doesn't want to kick Dazai's ass until he's sure he didn't also overdose on something that makes him bleed more than normal. So he's forced withstand the twirling, feet flailing behind him]

Yes, yes you've said that multiple times. You're also talking a mile a minute.


What. Did you. Take!

[nullificates]

Chuuya, look! Look at you!! You're cute. Very cute. Look. Adorable. Cute as hell. That mad expression makes you cuter. You're cute!

(and he's getting squeezed a little bit, dazai dangling his legs a little bit before he lets chuuya go just by opening his arms. he can land. like a cat. chuut. catya.)

I drank coffee. It's coffee! Want coffee? You should have coffee. Get on my level.

CW: casual mention of drug overdoses

[darkdisgrace]

You've said 'cute' five times in one breath, what the fuck.

[Ugh. Uuuuugh. He allows the squeeze, because for all Dazai's octopus limbs he isn't nearly strong enough to really hurt him like that. When he's dropped he lands on his feet, because it's chuuya after all.

After which, he's reaching up to yank Dazai down by his shirt collar, closely examining his eyes and mouth.]

What did you put in the coffee? I don't exactly have narcan on me, so it better not be anything extreme.

[nullificates]

(wooooah, look, he's being brought down! because chuuya is so small! so cute. his hands go to the other's cheek, full-moon eyes stuck at his for a second before he giggles.)

Chuuya, your eyes are so blue. So blue! Like an ocean! Don't you drown? Woosh. Woosh.

(he's fine, chuuya, just irritating.)

[darkdisgrace]

[Chuuya squints at Dazai as he babbles and giggles for a short moment before letting out a long sigh. Yeah okay, he seems lively enough.]

Well I don't think you're dropping dead anytime soon, at least. Or drowning, for that matter.

[He reaches over to pull at Dazai's cheeks lightly in payback, his voice escaping in a slightly wry deadpan.]

No more 'coffee' for you though.

[nullificates]

Woosh. Woosh..ya. Whuuya!

(it makes complete sense. look how blue, look, he's so cute. he's gonna be talking about that for a while.

and he takes a beat. two beats. and then he runs to his cup, to down the remaining liquid before chuuya can stop him.)

Ooooookay! ♫

(and he tosses it behind his shoulder, not a care at the shattering sound.)

[darkdisgrace]

That's a terri--[Anddd then Dazai is dashing over to down that coffee cup before Chuuya can grab him.

Fuck. The sound of the cup shattering sounds extremely final, right now.]

You are going to be so wasted tomorrow. Or the day after.

[Honestly, who knows how much he put in that.]

[nullificates]

Mmmmmh! Sounds like! A problem! For Cuteya Catya Wooshya Chuuya. You looked really really really fucking confused the other day! Dismayed! So I gave you a mission! I'm the mission! A.... Missizai!!!

(twirls, twirls, drop on their bed.)

[darkdisgrace]

Pick one name, or I'm gonna get annoyed real quick.

[Oh he's going to have a headache before this is over, no doubt about it. He reaches up to run a gloved hand over his face, through his hair with a heavy sigh.]

If you really think you got high for my sake, I'm not sure why you think giving me a headache would help. So babysitting you is a mission now?

[That being said, he is still following after Dazai to stand by the side of the bed, already going through his mental checklist of necessities for times like these.]

[nullificates]

Because it's distracting! Chuuya, do you know why you're so short? I'm going to tell you a super secret! A state secret. Come closer! Come very closer!

(see, he's gonna forget whatever the hell made him error 404 a-real quick, with how bouncy he is on the bed. toss and turn to this side, toss and turn to that side... grab chuuya to lay down with him.)

[darkdisgrace]

If you say something stupid I'm smothering you with a pillow.

[It's an empty threat, if he smothers Dazai like this he might gag and that would be messy. He needs to get a bucket, probably.

But when Dazai reaches out to yank him down to the bed, Chuuya isn't expecting it. He shouts as he goes tumbling down none too gently.]