(there truly isn't any fixing, there's taping, bandaiding, stitching, and hoping it holds for as long as it can before it has to be done again. darkness screams and quiets, but it's always there, his loneliness never fully leaving, but the sheer thought that maybe it could makes his feet move forward instead of sinking in place.
all this is complicated. even talking to chuuya is complicated, it's something that ever so rarely occurs, if at all. it's been four years, and now that chuuya can hear all this, he is, and dazai doesn't feel proud of it. while dazai can't say it, can't express it any better than the other, he cares about chuuya more than he should. leaving him in the dark, and leaving, after he put chuuya through tragedy itself feels like something.
something he likes to ignore. he'd do it again, if he thought it was for the best. yet, who's here, caressing his skin, unafraid of it? chuuya himself. there's a sigh, before he dips his face to rest against their fingers, and kiss chuuya's hand once again.
apologies he won't say out loud, but he knows that chuuya understands all the same.)
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(there truly isn't any fixing, there's taping, bandaiding, stitching, and hoping it holds for as long as it can before it has to be done again. darkness screams and quiets, but it's always there, his loneliness never fully leaving, but the sheer thought that maybe it could makes his feet move forward instead of sinking in place.
all this is complicated. even talking to chuuya is complicated, it's something that ever so rarely occurs, if at all. it's been four years, and now that chuuya can hear all this, he is, and dazai doesn't feel proud of it. while dazai can't say it, can't express it any better than the other, he cares about chuuya more than he should. leaving him in the dark, and leaving, after he put chuuya through tragedy itself feels like something.
something he likes to ignore. he'd do it again, if he thought it was for the best. yet, who's here, caressing his skin, unafraid of it? chuuya himself. there's a sigh, before he dips his face to rest against their fingers, and kiss chuuya's hand once again.
apologies he won't say out loud, but he knows that chuuya understands all the same.)