I'll get that thing that we use to tie the bread wrapping.
(horrible.
he wishes he had energy. he wishes his body wanted to react to this as much as he does. with how chuuya was feeling, perhaps will still feel for the days to come, it'd be good if he could embrace as strongly as he wants, if he could kiss, if he could show right now - beyond the fog of his brain and the lack of strength in his body.
A twist tie? the lil wires wrapped in paper? Yeah, sounds about right.
[Who needs energy? Chuuya doesn't have any, that's for certain. He's certainly not intending to do more than touch, to soak up Dazai's presence in every little manner he's capable of right now. He's probably going to fall asleep like this, fingers tangled in Dazai's hair and face buried in his chest and that's--
Well, likely to be the best sleep he's had in days.]
If you ever couch yourself again, I'm holding you and I'm shooting you.
(affectionate. or even worse, dazai will just find a way to ruin that for him eternally.
he knows chuuya's tired, too. he may not have been looking at him so much lately, but he knows - dazai's the opposite. sleeping too much unfulfilling slumbers, waking up more drained than before he had closed his eyes.
Then I'd have to strangle you, and that'd make it a double suicide. You wouldn't want that, would you?
[Said with some amusement, but there's a haziness in his voice that says he's certainly not going to be awake much longer. A drowsiness in his kisses, too-- soft, barely there things, feather light and contented, lingering. He's probably going to fall asleep like this.]
Y'know... I don't think... I've ever slept as well as when I'm with you.
I'll have to take him out too, then. None of you are escaping me.
[It's a sleepy mumble against the curve of Dazai's neck, with all that aggressive greed Chuuya can get about His People, all the while Chuuya's eyes slipping closed as he speaks.]
Ain't your ability that's the soothing bit, moron. Fallin' asleep to you... waking up to you. S'nice. Haven't really slept for days.
[And isn't that incredibly damning in itself? That after months of this, he can't seem to sleep without Dazai.
Mori would kill them both, probably. It's not something he wants to think about.] I'm kickin' your butt into a shower tomorrow, though.
(it's not the time to say what he wants to say - that he'd have to go through gogol, too, which would be funny to imagine -- if he still were here. this is partly the reason why he doesn't want to do anything. an avalanche of things - all these thoughts in his brain, reminding him that he might not be who he wants to be. oda. that curse of loneliness. the fact doing 'good' is so subjective. how he won't get to see gogol again - and he was just being miserable with him not even a week ago.
either way. it's one thing in the sea of things that has been fixed, and that thought makes him use his strength to squeeze chuuya to the best of his capabilities, another kiss pressed.)
[Chuuya knows. He knows things aren't 'okay', not by a long shot. But it's a little bit of lightness, a little less weighing both of them down-- and that's enough, right now. Enough to sleep on, hopefully.
He responds to Dazai's squeezing with a squeeze of his own, burrowing if possible even more firmly against Dazai, pressing a kiss to Dazai's shoulder.]
Says the guy who said 'I love you' when he first met me, at fifteen. What the fuck. I think you win the medal there, mackerel.
[Said with some amusement, a small bit of bafflement. Part of him wants to ask about that-- about what Dazai could have possibly seen in him, back then. About why. But right now it's enough to know it, to have heard it.]
If you were smarter, you'd have gotten what I meant when I said I wasn't going to say it again, but there's wind going through your ears.
(or, like, bitch, not everyone has your stupid memory.
but he saw... it'd be hard to explain even if chuuya did dare to ask - which, he knows, most likely he won't. talking... it's a skill they're still developing, still so new, and they're not particularly great at it. takes trial and error, takes a day or two.)
That's sex, it's an entirely different beast. How many people have you dated that didn't want to murder you later?
[Chuuya says this, as if he has had any dating experience to speak of.
Dazai is never allowed to know.] Maybe instead of 'social skills', I should say 'emotional intelligence'? You're a special brand of idiot, that's for sure.
[And yet somehow, it's said with an absolutely sickening amount of wry fondness.]
I don't date. Mostly I fuck for longer periods of time and then fake my death or something. Whatever works.
(because that's SO MUCH better? dazai? please?)
Excuse me. Is it because I did molly so I could get into your pants with no accountability? Thought that was extreme intelligence on my emotional part.
You're pretty crap at it then, because the amount of women who want you dead is still legendary back home. And what do you mean you don't date?! A lot of them seem to think way differently.
[Gosh he's tempted to bite him for that.
...He's too comfortable though. Enough so that Dazai's admission gets a snort out of him instead of a scolding.] You do realize I knew that was on purpose at the time, right? Plausible deniability is close enough, I guess.
(it certainly does. probably all this honesty and openess won't ever make things easier. right now, they can find some solace in it, but in a month? two? perhaps they're digging their own grave.
dazai's cowardness, chuuya's inability to let go. dazai's machinations, chuuya's forgiveness.)
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(horrible.
he wishes he had energy. he wishes his body wanted to react to this as much as he does. with how chuuya was feeling, perhaps will still feel for the days to come, it'd be good if he could embrace as strongly as he wants, if he could kiss, if he could show right now - beyond the fog of his brain and the lack of strength in his body.
they'll have time.)
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[Who needs energy? Chuuya doesn't have any, that's for certain. He's certainly not intending to do more than touch, to soak up Dazai's presence in every little manner he's capable of right now. He's probably going to fall asleep like this, fingers tangled in Dazai's hair and face buried in his chest and that's--
Well, likely to be the best sleep he's had in days.]
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(affectionate. or even worse, dazai will just find a way to ruin that for him eternally.
he knows chuuya's tired, too. he may not have been looking at him so much lately, but he knows - dazai's the opposite. sleeping too much unfulfilling slumbers, waking up more drained than before he had closed his eyes.
a series of kisses, one that ends on the lips.)
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[Said with some amusement, but there's a haziness in his voice that says he's certainly not going to be awake much longer. A drowsiness in his kisses, too-- soft, barely there things, feather light and contented, lingering. He's probably going to fall asleep like this.]
Y'know... I don't think... I've ever slept as well as when I'm with you.
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(which, honestly, would be something funny to watch, and it finally gets a full laugh out of him.)
Is it 'No Longer Human' that soothing?
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[It's a sleepy mumble against the curve of Dazai's neck, with all that aggressive greed Chuuya can get about His People, all the while Chuuya's eyes slipping closed as he speaks.]
Ain't your ability that's the soothing bit, moron. Fallin' asleep to you... waking up to you. S'nice. Haven't really slept for days.
[And isn't that incredibly damning in itself? That after months of this, he can't seem to sleep without Dazai.
Mori would kill them both, probably. It's not something he wants to think about.] I'm kickin' your butt into a shower tomorrow, though.
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either way. it's one thing in the sea of things that has been fixed, and that thought makes him use his strength to squeeze chuuya to the best of his capabilities, another kiss pressed.)
You're so disgustingly in love. Very gross.
(but said with no bite, more like a leg pulling.)
... We'll see tomorrow...
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He responds to Dazai's squeezing with a squeeze of his own, burrowing if possible even more firmly against Dazai, pressing a kiss to Dazai's shoulder.]
Says the guy who said 'I love you' when he first met me, at fifteen. What the fuck. I think you win the medal there, mackerel.
[Said with some amusement, a small bit of bafflement. Part of him wants to ask about that-- about what Dazai could have possibly seen in him, back then. About why. But right now it's enough to know it, to have heard it.]
Mmmhm.. Tomorrow it is.
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(or, like, bitch, not everyone has your stupid memory.
but he saw... it'd be hard to explain even if chuuya did dare to ask - which, he knows, most likely he won't. talking... it's a skill they're still developing, still so new, and they're not particularly great at it. takes trial and error, takes a day or two.)
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[Talking has been the bane of their existence since day one. The problem with knowing each other so innately, maybe.
But they're trying, which is huge for the both of them.]
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(actual question. please provide answer.)
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[Chuuya says this, as if he has had any dating experience to speak of.
Dazai is never allowed to know.] Maybe instead of 'social skills', I should say 'emotional intelligence'? You're a special brand of idiot, that's for sure.
[And yet somehow, it's said with an absolutely sickening amount of wry fondness.]
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(because that's SO MUCH better? dazai? please?)
Excuse me. Is it because I did molly so I could get into your pants with no accountability? Thought that was extreme intelligence on my emotional part.
(LIKE CHUUYA DIDN'T KNOW HE DID IT ON PURPOSE.)
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[Gosh he's tempted to bite him for that.
...He's too comfortable though. Enough so that Dazai's admission gets a snort out of him instead of a scolding.] You do realize I knew that was on purpose at the time, right? Plausible deniability is close enough, I guess.
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(what a piece of shit. and for his next attempt to talk--)
Well, works both ways! You can totally also say-- he was willing, and I was horny, and since he was like that, it totally didn't mean a thing!
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[And yet, he loves this man.
That probably says a lot of unfortunate things about Chuuya himself.] Yeah yeah, pretty sure that was the point at the time.
['at the time'. They certainly didn't need the excuses now, though.] But look at us now.
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dazai's cowardness, chuuya's inability to let go. dazai's machinations, chuuya's forgiveness.)
Well, we had been... You know.
(... ugh. making disgusting love.)
Affectionate. We have been here for a while.