I am. You super love me. We're married. I'm cheating on you.
(partly bullshit. chuuya is even more protective, but the rest, he's just pulling his leg. the cigarette is over, but he'll reach for chuuya's pack again. his hand moves to grab chuuya's cigarette from his mouth, only for the flame, before he put it back between the other's lips.
ah. yeah. he did kiss them today. woah.)
... He is. I loved him, you know. He deserves to live.
Now I know you're spouting bullshit. The idea of you getting married in the first place is laughable, and I'm smarter than that.
[He's pretty sure Dazai would break out in hives trying to say wedding vows, actually.
He lets Dazai snag his cigarette, huffing slightly in annoyance but accepting. This is Dazai trying to deal with something heavy, he knows-- little annoyances, little pokes and prods. The feel of Dazai's fingers lingers on his lips, and Chuuya tries to pretend he doesn't notice it, stubbing out the cigarette on his boot.
And what he says next explains why, really.
I loved him. Such a heavy statement, from this man. It explained so much in so few words.
He'd always wondered why Dazai had left. What, exactly, had made the man fine with any atrocity committed in the Mafia's name run and join the lawful side of things.
In spite of himself a harsh, bitter laugh escapes Chuuya.]
So that's it, huh? That's what broke the demon prodigy.
Hey, mean! You don't I couldn't marry if I wanted to?!
(no, he surely would break out in hives. for sure. the idea of openly saying something like this for all to see? specially towards chuuya? no need. he can be as bitchy and as awful as dazai is, but chuuya can see past it, either way. what would that look like, just the two sending psychic messages on the altar? laughable.)
Break is a little much, don't you think? There's only space for one drama-inclined person in this partnership, Chuuya.
I think you're allergic to emotional honesty and commitment, and I'm sure there's a few dozen women who can back me up on that. [Deadpan, but there's no edge to it.
Because frankly? Before this conversation, hearing Dazai openly admit to loving anyone sounded just as impossible. And yet here they are.]
Funny, I always thought the drama-inclined one was you.
[Dazai was always looking for things to make life interesting, after all.]
But there's a certain level of irony in this, you know.
[Dazai, who had sacrificed Chuuya's friends without a second thought for the sake of the mafia, but was crushed by the death of one man. Enough that he wanted to preserve an entire world for him to live.]
(he can be honest, see? he can. they are being so. he wants to, for some reason. perhaps because here, he knows without a shadow of doubt that chuuya will follow him. perhaps he thinks he deserves it.
perhaps it's just the boredom. subject to talk about.)
That's what I'm saying, you can't be dramatic too!!
(the words come out with puffs of smoke, sighs, and more dragging smoke in.)
I really doubt a you in any world is gonna 'want' to get married. And this ain't a manzai act, geez.
[Honestly, the banter makes it so much easier to process everything Dazai is telling him right now. It's a Lot, it's answers to questions he's had for years, and he isn't quite sure what to do with it yet. Better to let the information breathe, to let it soften and settle, to accept it is there without expectation.
But it doesn't quite snuff out the bitter edge to it all.]
(he's reminding just to twist the knife in chuuya's ribs, metaphorically, because it is easier to be disgusted than to be this open. he's not even saying much, but chuuya knows him enough to know all that it entails.)
... Yes.
(the fact he's breathing right here, right now, too.)
Disagree. A kiss you insisted on, considering I've given you exactly six chances of not being kissed. You stayed because you wanted to, is the hat really that important you'd rather be kissed by me?
(ah, the conversation is shifting, so much, so much, and it's so much easier like this - to be a pain in the ass than to lay vulnerable as he was.)
The only thing I insisted on was getting my hat back, you cretin! You're the horndog who made the choice to kiss me!
[So much easier. Vulnerability between them was both a strange and familiar sensation, to be sure. To trust each other with their lives was one thing, but there were other things that were far more difficult, especially to vocalize.]
That's fine if that's what you need to tell yourself. You lost, anyway.
(ah, he'll get punched, probably, but it's time. the night is very much a bust, he's starting to be tired, and he can continue this drinking session at home. so, it's easy to wrap an arm around chuuya's waist, one under his knees, and stand.)
[Chuuya starts to squirm pretty much immediately, but it probably says something that Chuuya actually feels lightheaded when Dazai scoops him up. He wobbles slightly, latching his arms around Dazai with a scowl as he quickly decides this is not a battle he wants to fight.]
Do not drop me. Yha owe me a ride anyway, after dragging me out here.
[It isn't the first time Dazai's had to carry Chuuya, though usually it's been after using corruption. In truth, it feels nice in a familiar way, and Chuuya doesn't mind it beyond the blow to his pride.] You're the loser, loser.
[That won't stop Chuuya from resting his head on Dazai's shoulder after a moment, tucking his face against his neck.]
(which is the biggest bullshit to ever leave dazai's lips, considering the whole everything of everything.
he's also too familiar with this - it doesn't feel too different, chuuya tucked against his neck, the familiar weight on his arms. ah, a passing thought of dropping him just because he said dazai shouldn't.)
[The scratchy feel of bandages, the warmth of another body, the sound of Dazai's voice more felt than heard this close-- It's nostalgic, in a way. Chuuya finds himself tucking closer, arms curling a bit more snugly around Dazai with a sigh and a grumble.
He's filled out a little, since they last did this. Still an unhealthy twig, but not nearly as bad. It's nice.]
You shut up first.
[Chuuya's going to very quickly end up following Dazai's demand, however-- He's exhausted, drunk, and for all he probably shouldn't, he trusts Dazai to get him back to the inn. It's all too easy to pass out in Dazai's arms, his breath growing slow and even, warm against Dazai's neck.]
(it's when he passes out that a hand comes to the back of his head, gentle, delicate, only because chuuya will not remember in his slumber. opening the door is a little harder if he wants to avoid shaking chuuya too much, it's a hilarious sight to see dazai attempt to turn a knob like that.
ugh, so much work. once chuuya is onto the bed, it's the shoes first that leave, and dazai's not considerate enough to make sure they're all nicely set where chuuya's been keeping them. they're tossed somewhere, then the hat, then the choker.)
Are you trying to compensate for something with all these accessories? How do I take this off--
(the thing that looks like dazai's own tie, but definitely is not--)
[Chuuya continues to doze through it all, which is.... honestly, a rarity. Usually no one would get anywhere near his throat when he's sleeping without some degree of alarm, but Dazai? Has always been an exception. And so the only reaction he gains is a soft sigh escaping Chuuya's lips in his sleep.
Otherwise his breathing remains deep and even, the only true tension in his form the gloved hands still clinging to Dazai stubbornly.]
(at least, unlike his own, his vest is closed by buttons. the only thing now to give chuuya a semblance of peaceful sleep are the gloves that are gripping on his clothes. he's as used to it as he isn't anymore. nothing new, but nothing he has witnessed in years.
ah, nostalgia. one finger, two fingers, three fingers, the fist is opened, and he will be so kind to remove the gloves. humanity, right? humans sleep peacefully without leather against their skin.)
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(partly bullshit. chuuya is even more protective, but the rest, he's just pulling his leg. the cigarette is over, but he'll reach for chuuya's pack again. his hand moves to grab chuuya's cigarette from his mouth, only for the flame, before he put it back between the other's lips.
ah. yeah. he did kiss them today. woah.)
... He is. I loved him, you know. He deserves to live.
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[He's pretty sure Dazai would break out in hives trying to say wedding vows, actually.
He lets Dazai snag his cigarette, huffing slightly in annoyance but accepting. This is Dazai trying to deal with something heavy, he knows-- little annoyances, little pokes and prods. The feel of Dazai's fingers lingers on his lips, and Chuuya tries to pretend he doesn't notice it, stubbing out the cigarette on his boot.
And what he says next explains why, really.
I loved him. Such a heavy statement, from this man. It explained so much in so few words.
He'd always wondered why Dazai had left. What, exactly, had made the man fine with any atrocity committed in the Mafia's name run and join the lawful side of things.
In spite of himself a harsh, bitter laugh escapes Chuuya.]
So that's it, huh? That's what broke the demon prodigy.
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(no, he surely would break out in hives. for sure. the idea of openly saying something like this for all to see? specially towards chuuya? no need. he can be as bitchy and as awful as dazai is, but chuuya can see past it, either way. what would that look like, just the two sending psychic messages on the altar? laughable.)
Break is a little much, don't you think? There's only space for one drama-inclined person in this partnership, Chuuya.
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Because frankly? Before this conversation, hearing Dazai openly admit to loving anyone sounded just as impossible. And yet here they are.]
Funny, I always thought the drama-inclined one was you.
[Dazai was always looking for things to make life interesting, after all.]
But there's a certain level of irony in this, you know.
[Dazai, who had sacrificed Chuuya's friends without a second thought for the sake of the mafia, but was crushed by the death of one man. Enough that he wanted to preserve an entire world for him to live.]
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(he can be honest, see? he can. they are being so. he wants to, for some reason. perhaps because here, he knows without a shadow of doubt that chuuya will follow him. perhaps he thinks he deserves it.
perhaps it's just the boredom. subject to talk about.)
That's what I'm saying, you can't be dramatic too!!
(the words come out with puffs of smoke, sighs, and more dragging smoke in.)
... I know.
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[Honestly, the banter makes it so much easier to process everything Dazai is telling him right now. It's a Lot, it's answers to questions he's had for years, and he isn't quite sure what to do with it yet. Better to let the information breathe, to let it soften and settle, to accept it is there without expectation.
But it doesn't quite snuff out the bitter edge to it all.]
So it's all for him, huh?
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(he's reminding just to twist the knife in chuuya's ribs, metaphorically, because it is easier to be disgusted than to be this open. he's not even saying much, but chuuya knows him enough to know all that it entails.)
... Yes.
(the fact he's breathing right here, right now, too.)
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A kiss I didn't ask for! And you suck at it, by the way.
[It is so much easier to be petty like this than be open and honest, it's true.
And it's so much easier to focus on banter than on the sheer weight of that yes.]
Suppose I owe that guy some thanks, then. I got a four year break from your annoying ass.
[The unspoken truth: That Dazai is still here, still breathing, still alive is something to be thankful for, too.]
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(ah, the conversation is shifting, so much, so much, and it's so much easier like this - to be a pain in the ass than to lay vulnerable as he was.)
Right? One more gift Odasaku's given me, too!
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[So much easier. Vulnerability between them was both a strange and familiar sensation, to be sure. To trust each other with their lives was one thing, but there were other things that were far more difficult, especially to vocalize.]
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(a few slowblinks.)
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[Said in a deadpan.]
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One hand reaches out to grab Dazai by the collar again, a smile curling his lips.]
Eager for punishment, are you?
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(he's not even going to react much, just moving the cigarette away so the smoke isn't on their faces.)
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Hell no.
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(BECAUSE ONE OF US ACTUALLY WENT FORWARD.)
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Not kissing a horny bastard like you? I'm pretty sure that's smart, not cowardly.
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(ah, he'll get punched, probably, but it's time. the night is very much a bust, he's starting to be tired, and he can continue this drinking session at home. so, it's easy to wrap an arm around chuuya's waist, one under his knees, and stand.)
Come on, loser.
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[Chuuya starts to squirm pretty much immediately, but it probably says something that Chuuya actually feels lightheaded when Dazai scoops him up. He wobbles slightly, latching his arms around Dazai with a scowl as he quickly decides this is not a battle he wants to fight.]
Do not drop me. Yha owe me a ride anyway, after dragging me out here.
[It isn't the first time Dazai's had to carry Chuuya, though usually it's been after using corruption. In truth, it feels nice in a familiar way, and Chuuya doesn't mind it beyond the blow to his pride.] You're the loser, loser.
[That won't stop Chuuya from resting his head on Dazai's shoulder after a moment, tucking his face against his neck.]
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(which is the biggest bullshit to ever leave dazai's lips, considering the whole everything of everything.
he's also too familiar with this - it doesn't feel too different, chuuya tucked against his neck, the familiar weight on his arms. ah, a passing thought of dropping him just because he said dazai shouldn't.)
Shut up, coward.
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He's filled out a little, since they last did this. Still an unhealthy twig, but not nearly as bad. It's nice.]
You shut up first.
[Chuuya's going to very quickly end up following Dazai's demand, however-- He's exhausted, drunk, and for all he probably shouldn't, he trusts Dazai to get him back to the inn. It's all too easy to pass out in Dazai's arms, his breath growing slow and even, warm against Dazai's neck.]
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(it's when he passes out that a hand comes to the back of his head, gentle, delicate, only because chuuya will not remember in his slumber. opening the door is a little harder if he wants to avoid shaking chuuya too much, it's a hilarious sight to see dazai attempt to turn a knob like that.
ugh, so much work. once chuuya is onto the bed, it's the shoes first that leave, and dazai's not considerate enough to make sure they're all nicely set where chuuya's been keeping them. they're tossed somewhere, then the hat, then the choker.)
Are you trying to compensate for something with all these accessories? How do I take this off--
(the thing that looks like dazai's own tie, but definitely is not--)
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Otherwise his breathing remains deep and even, the only true tension in his form the gloved hands still clinging to Dazai stubbornly.]
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ah, nostalgia. one finger, two fingers, three fingers, the fist is opened, and he will be so kind to remove the gloves. humanity, right? humans sleep peacefully without leather against their skin.)
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