(who cares if chuuya sees a little blood. a little knife that dries in their tub. nothing he's ever seen before. perhaps it's a tantrum, one that has been bottled up in him for a few weeks now - but he's scared, and god only knows how to express that pathetic feeling otherwise. by the sea, dazai's lips drag on a stolen cigarette, watching the sunset with tired eyes. his thigh hurts, so that's where most of his thoughts go to right now.)
[And Chuuya... well, at the sight of the blood, and the realization Dazai is not in the house, Dazai is going to get a very particular burst of emotions through that empathetic link: Icy worry, fear, resignation, anger. He'd known it would be coming eventually, had seen the signs and tried to prod Dazai into venting in his own ways (booze, picking a fight, sex. But never a direct confrontation of feelings neither of them could handle, because Chuuya was a coward in his own ways).
But not being able to find a trace of Dazai around, aside from blood and a knife? It does things to Chuuya he would vehemently deny if anyone pointed it out. Often the man would slink off not too far, blood-loss was a bitch, but Chuuya can't find him this time.
(it is so clear the moment chuuya finds the gift dazai's left for him. it's something to note that the first thing is worry and fear that he feels, but dazai will ignore it simply for the sake of chuuya being wrong in the order of emotions. he shouldn't worry so much. dazai never manages.)
[And there: relief, a flood, because Dazai's well enough to text, not lost in his head so deep he can't even hear the chime of his charm or.... worse.]
Fuck you.
[A pause, as he takes a breath to clear his head, quickly stepping outside the house, finding a rock-- kicking it so hard it turns to microscopic dust even as it's launched into the sky.
The emotions are still there, clamoring around, but a little less suffocating with the sheer intensity that is Chuuya.] Weren't you the one saying we should stay close to town? Don't go wandering off like a brat after saying shit like that.
He knows. He knows Dazai is tired, and probably freaking out, and probably wants to run as far as he fucking can and never look back, because existing is hard and feeling is hard, and life is hard. But that's the thing, isn't it?]
i'm at the beach. i can move. you don't have to worry so much, chuuya. you wanna come to my depression hole?
(it's terrifying, and he knows chuuya knows this. he knows dazai enough to know that feeling happy is at the same time something he wishes for, but something that petrifies him all the same. he's so happy (to the best of his abilities, anyway) he doesn't know what to do with himself. it'll end. and he'll be miserable again.)
[It says something, that Chuuya actually stops to consider if it's welcome or not. He has a good idea of why Dazai is hiding away, after all. And it says something about the recent intimacy between them that he--]
[Chuuya might have jogged some of the way to get their quicker, and Dazai probably felt the worry thrumming through their connection on the way there.
But seeing Dazai sitting on the beach settles some of that, even if it still simmers low in his gut. Dazai's usual tactic is to drown himself in something to muffle his brain with booze, drugs or pain, not... go sober. Either he'd hurt himself worse than usual, or he was in a worse headspace than Chuuya expected.
He settles into the sand next to Dazai, letting out a sigh.]
At least the beach is better than a hole in the mountains.
(it's annoying, to feel that worry. it doesn't help - he is already so sad that they love this much. he's already so scared. the hand touches the other's, carefully massaging it as he looks into the horizon, a sigh leaving.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw self harm & suicidal ideation
no subject
But not being able to find a trace of Dazai around, aside from blood and a knife? It does things to Chuuya he would vehemently deny if anyone pointed it out. Often the man would slink off not too far, blood-loss was a bitch, but Chuuya can't find him this time.
Eventually, a message through the charms.]
Hey, asshole. Where are you?
no subject
can you stop feeling for a moment
you're bothering me.
no subject
Fuck you.
[A pause, as he takes a breath to clear his head, quickly stepping outside the house, finding a rock-- kicking it so hard it turns to microscopic dust even as it's launched into the sky.
The emotions are still there, clamoring around, but a little less suffocating with the sheer intensity that is Chuuya.] Weren't you the one saying we should stay close to town? Don't go wandering off like a brat after saying shit like that.
no subject
that said, you should go back in. i know you, don't destroy our household.
no subject
I'm not inside because I don't want to destroy it. Don't do stupid shit and I'll be less inclined to kick the shit out of something.
[Focusing just to the left of everything that really worried him, because this is how they deal.]
no subject
i'm tired, chuuya.
no subject
He knows. He knows Dazai is tired, and probably freaking out, and probably wants to run as far as he fucking can and never look back, because existing is hard and feeling is hard, and life is hard. But that's the thing, isn't it?]
Then don't go somewhere I can't find you. Deal?
[In every way.]
no subject
(it's terrifying, and he knows chuuya knows this. he knows dazai enough to know that feeling happy is at the same time something he wishes for, but something that petrifies him all the same. he's so happy (to the best of his abilities, anyway) he doesn't know what to do with himself. it'll end. and he'll be miserable again.)
no subject
Is that gonna make unwinding harder for you?
[Asks.]
no subject
(#depression, homie.)
no subject
I'll bring some booze too.
no subject
i don't want to drink, but you can bring for yourself. i'm at the end of the beach.
no subject
Dazai?
Alright yeah, he's making his way over immediately.
...After stuffing his pockets with medical supplies.]
no subject
no subject
But seeing Dazai sitting on the beach settles some of that, even if it still simmers low in his gut. Dazai's usual tactic is to drown himself in something to muffle his brain with booze, drugs or pain, not... go sober. Either he'd hurt himself worse than usual, or he was in a worse headspace than Chuuya expected.
He settles into the sand next to Dazai, letting out a sigh.]
At least the beach is better than a hole in the mountains.
no subject
Is it?