of course, we are chess partners. i do not believe it is too different from your partnership with him, except for the fact you'd die for his sake.
[ ??? sometimes he forgets what is obvious to him is not for others. ]
you've crushed men's skulls with bare hands, there is nothing stopping you from doing that to everything but you choose not to. that's tenderness, that's humanity, that's not very god-like at all.
[It's going to take him a second to respond, because Fyodor is calling Chuuya out things even he refused to allow himself to consciously acknowledge.
And he'll keep refusing to acknowledge it, too.] I'd die for the sake of the Port Mafia, maybe. Dying for Dazai? Fuck no. I don't have a death wish.
[That would be abolutely moronic, after all.]
Wanting to kill everything would make me a psychopath. I'm a criminal, I like a good fight, but that doesn't mean I want to murder everyone. If that's your baseline for humanity, that's pretty weird.
But I won't deny that my ability can be more akin to a natural disaster, I guess.
won't you die for him? hm, i envy that—that devotion. entirely of your own choosing.
are you implying god is a psychopath, godling? but, no, you are perhaps correct.
the strongest ability user, nakahara chuuya who could level cities in the blink of an eye instead prefers to work as a criminal and still find it in himself to want to protect those around him.
and even those who are no longer around him. that's tender.
I'm not going to die for a guy like Dazai. That would be just stupid, and I'm no idiot.
[He would, though he refuses to even consider the truth Fyodor speaks. Chuuya had so few people still alive who truly knew him... it was impossible not to at least try to keep Dazai alive.
And fucking hell, if that isn't Fyodor talking about him like he's... some sort of... It's embarrassing.]
I wouldn't call myself the strongest. There's plenty of people out there who are just as powerful as I am. There's at least one I've fought before.
And the responsibility of the strong is to use that power for others, so of course I do. I don't particularly want to level cities, I just want to live my life as best I can. Though if protecting things that matter to me means I level a building, or a city? Sure, why not.
ah, i'm starting to see why he's got such a thing for you
[ which is only partially true, fyodor had his suspicions. seeing other's emotions is easier than seeing himself.
this is charming. ] so very, very charming of you to say things like that.
having power to protect what you love and yet still wanting to be ordinary is an odd combination. i'm only familiar with the desperate mediocrity that are most. there's nothing tender in those types.
That 'thing' is that he likes to annoy the shit out of me, obviously.
Charming? Seriously?
Still kind of fucking weird that you're using words like that specifically.
[Tender and charming have more of poetic connotations, romantic, even. What the fuck Fyodor!!]
I doubt any ability user is just a perfectly ordinary person. But that doesn't mean we're some sort of mystical thing, either. You don't have to be either/or, people are always gonna be just themselves. It's not that outrageous or hard to understand.
[Did Fyodor already notice the beds in their room? shit.]
I'm not about to have an argument about nature versus nurture with you. But I don't think it's nearly as clear cut as you're putting it, either.
If things went any differently in my life, I'd be a government weapon. It's because of many other people I'm not, and I'm grateful for that. For other people? The dice roll differently.
isn't it, godling? is it not tender when he stops raking his teeth angrily down your throat?
[ i mean..... ]
but those things are not different in your life, the hand of god had a plan for you. are you comforted at least by knowing what you are? what you carry?
the suffering in this world brought by ability users is immense and yet, the most desperate of us are capable of terrible things. they'll find a way. whereas you are complacent because of your power.
[Chuuya isn't sure if Fyodor intends for those words to be poetic or risque, but his face feel hot nonetheless. How did they get here?!] Do you have any idea how suggestive that sounds?! Ugh! Maybe you're the one who needs to get laid here, if you're thinking of things like that about us.
[He scrubs a hand over his face, breathing out long and low before continuing.]
I wouldn't put it down to god, personally. But if you believe that, I'm not going to argue with you.
And I suppose there's a kind of comfort to be had in knowing I have power that I can use to try and protect the things important to me. But does every ability user cause suffering? I don't think so. I'm certainly not removing myself from that number with my body count, but still.
And you'd be very surprised by the things that could subdue me, or just about anyone.
oh, my apologies. i thought you enjoyed those types of words? or would the actions be better? dazai-kun has been very not forthcoming as to the general...terms of how intercourse goes between partners who are not emotionally involved.
[ ...kind of a lie ]
oh, so you'd like me to think of ways to put you down? [ teasing, almost ] but i do not entirely dispute your words, after all a great deal of suffering has been caused by those with no ability trying to use power beyond their means out of desperation
I'm saying we're not fucking, and never have!!!! Don't just assume things like that!! You're the one he's been undressing in his head the past 9 months, are you sure you're not just projecting or something?
[Gross!!!]
I suppose you could try to put me down, but it might not go well for you here. And everyone in the world is capable of things like that, ability or no.
yes, maybe i am projecting in an attempt to understand why he turned down my agreement for sex.
we are supposed to be working together, in such a scenario could you follow my instructions? it is alright if you say no, i merely need to be certain of what i'm working with here.
you think everyone truly is? if so, then wouldn't my wish be more desirable, a world without that sort of sin?
Seriously? That's a new one. We both know he's into you.
[Dazai loves to dive dick first into things, what the hell? It's obvious why Chuuya and Dazai have never, because Gross, but Fyodor...]
I could. I'm not going to be a mindless drone, but I know the value of sound strategy. Just ask Dazai. He's a bastard, but I still listen on a mission.
[So in that regard, Fyodor and Dazai aren't that different.]
Hell fucking no. Sure, my life would be different without my ability, but the life I have now is mine. Making that choice for everyone else is egotistical to an extreme.
he probably got confused because he wants you and you won't make it easy for him.
i see. and if dazai and i find ourselves on opposite sides here you'll get your chance to cut me down.
[ which just means he's going to continue calling him 'godling' because if he's going to get murdered by arahabaki at some point he might as well enjoy himself before then. ]
wanting a world without sin is not about my own ego.
He doesn't want me. Like listen, I know I'm hot, but I'm sure if you told him that he'd be disgusted. The very idea of fucking him IS disgusting, after all.
And one of the rare times Dazai is honest is when he negotiates. If you find yourselves on opposite sides, it'll be because things are over regardless.
[That was one of the things that made him terrifyingly effective in the port mafia.]
Deciding what is sin and what isn't is all about ego. Or at least misplaced beliefs.
neither one of you is benefitting from this ongoing theater of denial. and your good looks only take you so far, i doubt it is looks that has dazai's attention solely.
[ ...oh, he didn't like that at all. then why allow dazai to get close at all? it'd be a foolish thing indeed, for a moment fyodor had forgotten that this is temporary, until they get home and find the book. that's right. what matters is the book. ]
a sin is a sin. there is a certain universality to them, across religions and social expectations and everything. if we allowed murder in society to not be a sin, how many would drop dead in a way and sleep soundly at night? far too many.
Dazai doesn't want to fuck me. The very idea of having sex with each other probably pisses him off as much as it does me.
[He rolls his eyes, snorting.]
Is there? Because last I checked, religion and the concept of sin was defined by humans. And you may call me a godling, but I sure as fuck don't believe in some all powerful deity since I sure ain't seen one.
['Arahabaki' didn't count. There was no sense of logic to a power like that, just pure power and destruction.]
I've killed people for a lot of reasons. Way more than Dazai.
Say, did you figure out what this place named as my crime?
lie. i will only call it out once, but so it is clear- it is a lie and denial both. were he not interested in you, i would have him.
[ still, he doesn't care to engage too much in whatever his temporary allies have going on. it's all going to end eventually so there is no point in forming any sort of partnership. even with nikolai. ]
god is god. had i told you i've seen him you would say i am insane.
if i make an educated guess and get your crime right, would it upset you?
[There's... a particularly long pause before Chuuya manages to respond. Mostly because he's laughing so hard he can't breathe.]
It's really funny that you think Dazai only thinks about fucking one person at a time. Delusional, though. I'm pretty sure he's already seduced some women here. He is incapable of keeping his dick in his pants.
So if he turned your offer down, it's definitely not because he doesn't want to fuck you. Probably the opposite actually, and Dazai with a crush is disturbing to think about.
[Fyodor please. There's no denying this will end when they go home, but there's still benefit in getting to know people, in Chuuya's opinion.]
have you not considered his lack of commitment is because he already has someone in mind? [ he means you, chuuya, congrats! ] i will not entertain your attempts to avoid your feelings by implying he wants me.
i am a very busy man after all, and now that i'm no longer behind glass there is much to be done if we are to return home.
it has to do with your status as a living being, does it not?
Yeah no. It's because he's a horndog who fucks people to feel something. If he turned down fucking you, it means you actually mean something to him enough to not want to fuck it up.
[Chuuya won't push the subject further than that, if Fyodor doesn't want to. But still, as someone who knows Dazai better than most... he knows this is Something Else.]
Got it in one.
It's 'being born'. Not murder, not smuggling, not destruction. Just existing is enough of a crime, a sin.
[ fyodor lets the subject drop. after all, the godling and dazai will figure it out or they won't. ] i thank you for offering me focus now. [ look he's never going to be good at understanding that bonds between people are important, especially when they're just going home to the book anyway. he sucks. someone drop him in the trashcan. ]
You don't get it at all, do you? Shame, he'd calm down a bit if you fucked him and be like 5% less annoying.
[So terribly blunt, but that's Chuuya's way.]
Not all that much anymore, actually. It did bother me for years, whether I was human or not. But I don't think it's a crime to live, or a sin to exist.
i don't know what i am supposed to get. after all, the goal is to go back, yes? and back home you and i are trying to kill him and sigma. it's that simple.
to go back to the topic of your alleged crime, i do not feel it holds weight. while being born means you inherit the original sin it is by far the least of the crimes committed.
so there seems to be no true pattern as to what we are being judged over.
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[ ??? sometimes he forgets what is obvious to him is not for others. ]
you've crushed men's skulls with bare hands, there is nothing stopping you from doing that to everything but you choose not to. that's tenderness, that's humanity, that's not very god-like at all.
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And he'll keep refusing to acknowledge it, too.] I'd die for the sake of the Port Mafia, maybe. Dying for Dazai? Fuck no. I don't have a death wish.
[That would be abolutely moronic, after all.]
Wanting to kill everything would make me a psychopath. I'm a criminal, I like a good fight, but that doesn't mean I want to murder everyone. If that's your baseline for humanity, that's pretty weird.
But I won't deny that my ability can be more akin to a natural disaster, I guess.
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are you implying god is a psychopath, godling? but, no, you are perhaps correct.
the strongest ability user, nakahara chuuya who could level cities in the blink of an eye instead prefers to work as a criminal and still find it in himself to want to protect those around him.
and even those who are no longer around him. that's tender.
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[He would, though he refuses to even consider the truth Fyodor speaks. Chuuya had so few people still alive who truly knew him... it was impossible not to at least try to keep Dazai alive.
And fucking hell, if that isn't Fyodor talking about him like he's... some sort of... It's embarrassing.]
I wouldn't call myself the strongest. There's plenty of people out there who are just as powerful as I am. There's at least one I've fought before.
And the responsibility of the strong is to use that power for others, so of course I do. I don't particularly want to level cities, I just want to live my life as best I can. Though if protecting things that matter to me means I level a building, or a city? Sure, why not.
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[ which is only partially true, fyodor had his suspicions. seeing other's emotions is easier than seeing himself.
this is charming. ] so very, very charming of you to say things like that.
having power to protect what you love and yet still wanting to be ordinary is an odd combination. i'm only familiar with the desperate mediocrity that are most. there's nothing tender in those types.
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Charming? Seriously?
Still kind of fucking weird that you're using words like that specifically.
[Tender and charming have more of poetic connotations, romantic, even. What the fuck Fyodor!!]
I doubt any ability user is just a perfectly ordinary person. But that doesn't mean we're some sort of mystical thing, either. You don't have to be either/or, people are always gonna be just themselves. It's not that outrageous or hard to understand.
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[ except fyodor sounds the opposite of glad, or he would if one could see him right now frowning at the screen.
it's not jealousy it's discomfort- after all he does not have that, and it's never seemed to matter before except—]
you're not just any ability user. and to think an ability does not corrupt a persons initial nature is naive at best.
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[Did Fyodor already notice the beds in their room? shit.]
I'm not about to have an argument about nature versus nurture with you. But I don't think it's nearly as clear cut as you're putting it, either.
If things went any differently in my life, I'd be a government weapon. It's because of many other people I'm not, and I'm grateful for that. For other people? The dice roll differently.
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[ i mean..... ]
but those things are not different in your life, the hand of god had a plan for you. are you comforted at least by knowing what you are? what you carry?
the suffering in this world brought by ability users is immense and yet, the most desperate of us are capable of terrible things. they'll find a way. whereas you are complacent because of your power.
few people, if any, could subdue you.
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[He scrubs a hand over his face, breathing out long and low before continuing.]
I wouldn't put it down to god, personally. But if you believe that, I'm not going to argue with you.
And I suppose there's a kind of comfort to be had in knowing I have power that I can use to try and protect the things important to me. But does every ability user cause suffering? I don't think so. I'm certainly not removing myself from that number with my body count, but still.
And you'd be very surprised by the things that could subdue me, or just about anyone.
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[ ...kind of a lie ]
oh, so you'd like me to think of ways to put you down? [ teasing, almost ] but i do not entirely dispute your words, after all a great deal of suffering has been caused by those with no ability trying to use power beyond their means out of desperation
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[Gross!!!]
I suppose you could try to put me down, but it might not go well for you here. And everyone in the world is capable of things like that, ability or no.
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we are supposed to be working together, in such a scenario could you follow my instructions? it is alright if you say no, i merely need to be certain of what i'm working with here.
you think everyone truly is? if so, then wouldn't my wish be more desirable, a world without that sort of sin?
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[Dazai loves to dive dick first into things, what the hell? It's obvious why Chuuya and Dazai have never, because Gross, but Fyodor...]
I could. I'm not going to be a mindless drone, but I know the value of sound strategy. Just ask Dazai. He's a bastard, but I still listen on a mission.
[So in that regard, Fyodor and Dazai aren't that different.]
Hell fucking no. Sure, my life would be different without my ability, but the life I have now is mine. Making that choice for everyone else is egotistical to an extreme.
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i see. and if dazai and i find ourselves on opposite sides here you'll get your chance to cut me down.
[ which just means he's going to continue calling him 'godling' because if he's going to get murdered by arahabaki at some point he might as well enjoy himself before then. ]
wanting a world without sin is not about my own ego.
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And one of the rare times Dazai is honest is when he negotiates. If you find yourselves on opposite sides, it'll be because things are over regardless.
[That was one of the things that made him terrifyingly effective in the port mafia.]
Deciding what is sin and what isn't is all about ego. Or at least misplaced beliefs.
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[ ...oh, he didn't like that at all. then why allow dazai to get close at all? it'd be a foolish thing indeed, for a moment fyodor had forgotten that this is temporary, until they get home and find the book. that's right. what matters is the book. ]
a sin is a sin. there is a certain universality to them, across religions and social expectations and everything. if we allowed murder in society to not be a sin, how many would drop dead in a way and sleep soundly at night? far too many.
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[He rolls his eyes, snorting.]
Is there? Because last I checked, religion and the concept of sin was defined by humans. And you may call me a godling, but I sure as fuck don't believe in some all powerful deity since I sure ain't seen one.
['Arahabaki' didn't count. There was no sense of logic to a power like that, just pure power and destruction.]
I've killed people for a lot of reasons. Way more than Dazai.
Say, did you figure out what this place named as my crime?
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[ still, he doesn't care to engage too much in whatever his temporary allies have going on. it's all going to end eventually so there is no point in forming any sort of partnership. even with nikolai. ]
god is god. had i told you i've seen him you would say i am insane.
if i make an educated guess and get your crime right, would it upset you?
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It's really funny that you think Dazai only thinks about fucking one person at a time. Delusional, though. I'm pretty sure he's already seduced some women here. He is incapable of keeping his dick in his pants.
So if he turned your offer down, it's definitely not because he doesn't want to fuck you. Probably the opposite actually, and Dazai with a crush is disturbing to think about.
[Fyodor please. There's no denying this will end when they go home, but there's still benefit in getting to know people, in Chuuya's opinion.]
Sure, go ahead. I'm sure I've heard it before.
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i am a very busy man after all, and now that i'm no longer behind glass there is much to be done if we are to return home.
it has to do with your status as a living being, does it not?
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[Chuuya won't push the subject further than that, if Fyodor doesn't want to. But still, as someone who knows Dazai better than most... he knows this is Something Else.]
Got it in one.
It's 'being born'. Not murder, not smuggling, not destruction. Just existing is enough of a crime, a sin.
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fascinating.
a crime that bothers you deeply, does it not?
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[So terribly blunt, but that's Chuuya's way.]
Not all that much anymore, actually. It did bother me for years, whether I was human or not. But I don't think it's a crime to live, or a sin to exist.
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to go back to the topic of your alleged crime, i do not feel it holds weight. while being born means you inherit the original sin it is by far the least of the crimes committed.
so there seems to be no true pattern as to what we are being judged over.
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