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[darkdisgrace]

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[darkdisgrace]

I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND REMOVE YOUR SPINE YOU COWARD.

[nullificates]

dduuuddu! the dazai you're trying to reach is no longer available! would you like to leave a message?

please hold for the next available osamu!

[darkdisgrace]

FUCK YOU

[Yeah fuck no, Chuuya's going out. Dazai is not pulling this shit again.]

[nullificates]

there are no dazai osamus in your area available to deal with virgin tiny little slugs.

please find our central to deliver your message.

[darkdisgrace]

Who the fuck are you calling a virgin you piece of shit?! I have plenty of sex, I'm just not a horndog like you!

[If Dazai is anywhere near the inn, he's about to get his ass kicked.]

[nullificates]

you know

i slept with your secretary

i know more about your life than you can imagine

'weh weh cant come im busy i have work'

[darkdisgrace]

You what?!

That is so fucking creepy, holy shit.

And my secretary know jack shit about my sex life, either!

[On account of the fact he doesn't date, he has one night stands and mafia buddies he fucks around with after a few drinks.]

[nullificates]

chuuya. you're underestimating our biggest source of information. secretaries are the best spies within an organization. they hear everything, they know everything, and they gossip about everything.

also, back in my day, you know. i could pull the intestines out of someone, hollow a heart, and still make it for afterwork drinks, so i mean

bad excuses

[darkdisgrace]

Of course I know that, you bastard. I just don't fuck my way into getting information like you do!

[He did not take those kind of interrogation lessons, thank you Kouyou.]

And you still never did your paperwork, so I wouldn't count that as doing your job.

[nullificates]

any method is valid.

learn to multitask, chuuya!

[darkdisgrace]

Not if you have standards!

And that is not a denial of the paperwork thing.

[nullificates]

multitasking

beep

boop

multitasking

(MATURE.)

[darkdisgrace]

You don't even fulfill your job requirements, so you're definitely not multitasking enough!

[Neither of them are mature, really.

During this entire conversation Chuuya is still looking for Dazai.]

[nullificates]

scientifically 86% of redheads write reports better

(he's behind the inn. giggling.)

[darkdisgrace]

That's bullshit and you know it.

No one likes paperwork, I hate it! but at least I do it anyway because I give a fuck about doing the job!

[And oh, he hears that giggling. He's heard it far too many times after far too many pranks and stunts pulled by the same man.

Which is why he makes a point when he turns the corner to push himself forward with gravity manipulation, flying over to try and pin Dazai to the wall, hopefully before he can even think to react.]

There you are, bastard.

[nullificates]

(he hears it, though. the wooshing of the wind, the heavier footsteps, and he smiles, ever so large, ever so smug.

it's fun because he has to bend his knees. dazai's cooperative like that, with palms showing, with his eyes closing.)

Slug, at least buy me that drink before you go throwing me on walls like that!

[darkdisgrace]

[If he didn't bend his knees, Chuuya would just have dragged him down to his level anyway. As it stands, Dazai is going to be dragged in closer for Chuuya to face him at eye level, scowling.]

You're the one who'd owe me a drink, if anything. I am not dealing with your poor deluded lady callers again, bastard.

[nullificates]

Mhmmmmm. That's inevitable. They all see you yell at me like this, don't you think you too have a hand on making it clear you can beat me up?

(so, you know. rent a chuuya to kill a dazai.)

[darkdisgrace]

While that's certainly a tempting prospect, some of them would probably want to do that themselves. I suppose I could hold you down while they beat you up, if I'm feeling charitable.

[Listen, he supported women wanting to take out their wrath on Dazai. They'd more than earned that right.]

But a good chunk of them back home wanted answers or new contact info, both things I sure as hell couldn't give them.

[nullificates]

And you decided to get mad about that now? Like, right now? Are we talking about our feelings, Chuuya? Tell me you're upset.

(listen, dazai's bored, dazai's anxious, dazai's still freaking out how nice it has been to have chuuya against him in the morning.

let him ruin it.)

[darkdisgrace]

No, I'm mad about you thinking you can make me deal with the fallout of your wayward dick again!

[Dazai could certainly try, but he's not the only one allergic to talking about feelings. It's going to take a little more effort.]

[nullificates]

Well, you are, so I'm gonna go disappear again. What are you going to do, princess carry me romantically to our room?

(can't kill him, can he now?)

[darkdisgrace]

[Dazai seems to be forgetting that Chuuya is in fact perfectly capable of doing exactly that.

Well, it's time to remind him.

Chuuya shoots Dazai a vicious little grin before his arms are curling around Dazai's stomach, and in the next moment, Dazai will find himself being lifted and thrown over Chuuya's shoulder like a sack of potatoes.]

Maybe not so romantically, but this works.

[nullificates]

(oh, chuuya. oh, small, narrow-minded chuuya. if he thinks dazai's going to sit back, slomp, become the consistency of a noodle while he's just being taken? absolutely not. legs are thin, long, and they can wrap around chuuya's back and pull.

he'll fall on top of dazai, if it lands.)

[darkdisgrace]

[The unfair thing about Dazai is while Chuuya has unnaturally good balance thanks to his ability, Dazai is the only one who can disrupt it so easily. Which mean more often than not, these moves of his actually do work.

As it does now, because while Chuuya would normally correct his fall, Dazai continues to be a menace by simply existing. He lets out a yell as they fall, trapped in an octopus grip and damn well making sure Dazai breaks his fall, at least.]

You bastard...!